Stressing!!!

Im am on edge...

yes

"Don't push me cause im close to the edge im trying not to lose my head. ah ha ha ha!!!" 

Have you ever been in one of those moods where no matter what anyone says you take offense to it?

I have matter of fact it happen to me today...

someone said to me

"You look nice today." and normally i'd say thanks and go on with my business OH NO!!!

 not today; today i said

WHAT..WHAT YOU SAY TO ME?

As if i was called out of my name or something.

That's just the beginning though, by 5pm I had offended 3 people i never intended on hurting anyone's feelings but the truth shall set them free...

it just seems like everytime somebody said something they sounded like daffy duck

annonying as hell

 Maybe i got a bad attitude maybe it's me...

Yea it's me i'm STRESSED THE HELL OUT

and if i dont get feed back i'ma need rehab..

Just inappropriate...

Have you ever been in the middle of a conversation or even approach a conversation with a plan of what you're going to say how you going to say and things just don't go as planned... We'll i think I'm notorious for... "WHEN KEEPING IT REAL GOES WRONG"... cause i very seldom if any bite my tongue... What i think is what i say for the most part and the people that really know me know that i think first then i speak but my answer normally is devils advocate mixed with a sarcasm, with a splash of amazingness, and truth without regard of feelings... I dont feel like im rude im just raw...

Ex. A friend(majority females do this) fishing for compliments: "i like my shirt but i dont think it looks all that hot on me what do you think?"

Jag's Answer: You could wear anything just not that shirt. (am i wrong)

Ex> A guy friend Jag's I'm really digging this chick what you think about her?

Jag's Answer: I dunno man she seems like a princess (aka spoiled bitch)... guys never take your advice at first cause they gotta have sex with them but two weeks to a month later their back screaming this bitch is crazy ( am i wrong)

Ex. A female friend says this guy is so nice he does this he does that he's just perfect... he's blah blah blah....

Jag's answer: Slap!!! woman get real even i ain't that good and I'm the best man you know.... (am i wrong) (background) With my certified license to reading people i understand that the first week of dating.. there are these facades their what i call "stand In's" he's johnny perfect and she's Betty donowrong... and you'll hear "Me too" ."I keep it real", "i just aim to please", " I've never done that"...blah blah blah...

No one really keeps it straight to the point... raw and uncut... there are feelings and emotions we all like to spare. I spare when needed but i would rather be JUST INAPPROPRIATE... what about you?

Minute maid monday

Message made in a minute
60 seconds
made for seconds
time after time after
time again
we know when we start
but when do we end?
live life to the fullest
cherish your moments
try to have mo'
know what it meant
lead a movement
keep it moving
travel all you can
keep a good contact with a high power
never ever let never get in the way get better
this is a test so do your best
GO

Have you ever?

Have you ever...

wondered what im like

Have you ever...

met me in real life

Have you ever...

thought i would be trife

Have you ever...

thought about me... how nice?

Have you ever....

thought about me after you took a shower

Have you ever...

wanted to lay with me longer than an hour

Have you ever...

envisioned me in the cut out of your future lover

Have you ever...

wonder what I'm like undercovers

Have you ever...

dreamed a dream so real that all details make you get chills

Have you ever...

wondered what i wonder

Have you ever...

wanted to touch

Have you ever....

wanted to f----

Well have you?

Forgettable

So i was in wally world(Walmart) yesterday I was of course picking up groceries and household items all at once... And I'm walking through the dairy aisle grabbed some milk for my cereal and shredded cheese for my baked potato that night.... and i saw this women that looked so familiar... she was at the other end of the aisle so i really couldn't tell if it was her or not but as we got closer i realized it was...(pay attention now)... The mom of my hairdresser (when i had hair) who claimed i was her baby's daddy (who still owes me money for the paternity test i took) but I'm not worried about it. eh!

And we walk right by each other like i could have kiss her on the cheek and kept walking that's how close. This is the same woman that wanted me to be her grand daughters father she literally said i love you and want you to be the father... wow i know. So we walk past each other and she doesn't say a word so i say Hey! very subtle to see if she notice and she looks up and stares at me for like 45 sec she squinting her eyes and everything.. then she says "I didn't know who you were"... OMG come on now i haven't changed since i was in third grade my head just grew into my ears and my body developed nicely...

I said that to say this
Do you think your FORGETTABLE?
because i didn't think i was until yesterday.
I actually still don't think I'm forgettable i might be replaceable but not forgettable.

Throw back tuesday-miggida Mac daddy

OK so way back in the day these guys used to be the hottest young rap group ever... at least to me... They made all kind of hits Da Bomb, Jump, Miss the bus... all kinds.... i played their first album so much that my cassette tape broke and then eventually had to get it on CD.

Well anyway Kriss Kross was the first ever concert i attended. My older brother (R.IP Maurice) and i. We even went and got jerseys too big jeans and we had matching Fila with the straps... 1992' editions... i had a Miami Hurricanes jersey that was the dopest and he had a Ucla cause he was from Cali... Shoot we had the most fun ever no parents just us at a sold out Kriss kross concert nothing but young fine girls jocking(side note) we were a little late cause my brother wanted to relax his box cut so it would lay down like he had good hair or something. Anyway we jumping around dancing in the middle of the aisle... plus we had pretty good seats for a sold out concert I wish i could find my ticket i would have posted it.... i had it for sometime but i think it got lost in my several moves.

In any rate my first concert was Kriss Kross and if you don't remember them here's a clip from their In Living Color debut:

Expectations!!! Go Away!!

(This is long)
JaG has to be the most hard to please man on earth... Let's see where do i begin? In college Jag was in love with this young lady they where together for three almost... four years, life was for the most part good they lived together, they had two cats, had a little family... JaG was close to graduating and she was only a semester behind... I think he intended on marrying this woman but didn't happen she told him she cheated and all his trust for people went out the window... JaG couldn't fathom loving someone that much ever again... so a few more relationship went by and JaG possibly never got all the way in (by that i mean he was still looking for better) so JaG was the cause of those break-ups...

JaG began to have expectations, HIGH EXPECTATIONS, VERY HIGH EXPECTATIONS... it seemed as if no one could live up to his standards... she had to have the intangibles, pretty eyes(no exceptions), freckles(maybe not but would be nice), pretty smile(definite), nice even body(always),Style(got have it), Class(manners and such)Driven and believes in God(speaks for itself), sense of humor(gotta laugh), Athletic(don't have to be all American but competitive yes), play video games( the Wii is fine), Surprisingly amazing sex or just amazing sex(everybody gotta stay pleased) so on and so forth...

Anyway... moving forward JaG was engaged but it didn't work out they had all kinds of outside forces( her parents, fake baby mom ma's) that hindered that...

then JaG dated the liar that broke off his engagement(a story for another day)... of course that didn't work she lied...

then JaG was alone for a while.. at this point he really narrowed down his options... JaG really had a list of all the things(all of the above plus some) he wanted in his head so Expectations may have been and understatement... but understand at this point JaG was getting kind of lonely... but JaG understood that he would find someone someday...

and he did but that didn't work cause he put some stupid ass disclaimer/expectations up that hindered her from just flowing and being herself so she left...

So we're to the now point... as you can see JaG has struggled to maintain an healthy adult relationship... his expectations have pretty much ruined all so i (Mr. Conscious) decide to make him drop all expectations and responsibilities and just love and let love. I came up with this idea after we finished reading this book called The Shack by William p. Young... it really hit home and JaG and i are learning all over again how to Love without conditions and expectations... now this is a task.... shew!!!

Minute Made

Yes i am original 100% pure squeezed... lol... As i go through my mondays list of blogs and read what most of my fellow bloggers are talking about I notice a slight similiarity in them all.

the number one topic this week or weekend has been Arguments... now i very rarely think im wrong, so i totally understand not agruing with fools cause people from a distance can't tell who is who... i also would rather to agree to disargee than fight but i also like to listen to the other persons point of view before i do.

Now the second most popular topic is Marriage: NO comment... Gotta find the one first.

The third most popular topic is Love: And with this topic i often struggle because Love is a difficult thing to handle especially if it's from an outside source... You see love from your family is unconditional it's suppose to be there regardless of issues, hang-ups, health reason, etc,. But when i comes from someone outside your bloodline that's when it gets confusing cause if you're a Christian then you should understand that Love is what this whole world we live in is all about. the Circle of life, the truth, relationships and the law we are suppose to live by. love is difficult. period.

Know thyself

who i am

the exotic quiescence of earth

Brown skin, brown eyes, beautiful smile

athletic build strong enough to walk a green mile

the guy many moms would love daughters to walk the aisle

sense of humor, serious at times

works very hard to intrigue minds

somewhat understands the art of love

Life is part of all the above

struggles with trust but who doesn't

never claims to know it all

just a little about everything

communicates straight forward rarely around the bush

listens and pays attention you'll never hear hush

loves love and hates love at the same time

doesn't want to die alone

but it's inevitable

if he could be anyone

it would be Mr. Incredible

who am i

i am me

i am he

I am who i say i am

i know who i am

do you know me?

"KNOW THYSELF"

What makes me TICK!

Thump... tick tock ...tha-thump... tick tock
the two things... heard once... that can change your whole perspective on life... a heartbeat and a clock tick how many times have you sat quietly and listened to a clock tick time steadily passing by how many times have you laid on a loved ones chest or listen to a babies heartbeat for the first time.. its damn near breath taking to know that the heartbeat is like a clock ticking time away who knows...who knew... thump tha thump... listen as the sound of your soul rises above all the other noises... tick tock tick tock... take a deep breath... and blink... listen our hearts are in sink.

Who can you Trust?

First lets define this word trust-
1 a: assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something b: one in which confidence is placed
Then we have trustworthiness-
trustworthiness5 a (1): a charge or duty imposed in faith or confidence or as a condition of some relationship (2): something committed or entrusted to one to be used or cared for in the interest of another

I have a perfect understanding of both definitions but i somehow struggle to trust anyone, yes i am admitting to having major trust issues... and honestly i dont really know who to blame it on i could blame it on myself...No!! i have not always been a saint but i cant think of anyone who has been. I could blame it on others... but that would be the easy cop out.. "i was done so wrong blah blah blah" i dont know of anyone who hasn't been.

Trust as you see is made up of five parts character, ability, strength, truth, and confidence.
Ahhh theres the rub... see people are the weakest when it comes to strength and character... cause you can pretty much bs the other three.. O I'm this and im that i did this and i did that... which could possible show ability, truth, and confidence but what did you go through an how much tolerance-(the capacity to endure hardship and pain) do you have and what did you lose or gain? Now... i could be wrong i could just be crazy but not many people can say that their strong enough to bare there own crosses that's why karma-lita is such a bitch cause not many people can admitt their wrong doings and be open, honest, and truthful about it.
IF I CLOSED MY EYES AND FELL BACK RIGHT NOW HOW MANY OF YALL WOULD CATCH ME IF YOU COULD?
Now tell me who can you trust?

I dunno what the hell im talking about just ranting and raving thanks for reading.

Dance of Love

the silouette of her body was all i could see
standing at the end of the hallway what could it be
that runs through her mind i hope its something good
the rain hitting the window seal where she stood
tapped a beautiful melodic soothing sound
that only the focused mind understood
it sung it's way into my heart
as i wrapped my arm around her
this is the part where i am
embrassing her making her know im there
she turned and kiss my cheek
subtle and sweet
we began to sway
as the rain drops on the window like tears made there way
a loving embrass is all she needs
to continue the dance of love
no lead

Rainy days

The sun is shinning but its raining at the same time

time and time again i attempt not to rhyme

but when i type my thoughts this is all that comes to mind

i mentally try to block the thoughts of love lost and current times

and wish for the perfect hook to lure you into my heart

then maybe I'll feel like you are apart

of my life even though your not really here.

reading my thoughts might make it clear

to see from my brain what i see when the sun shines and the sky rains.

Have you...

Have you ever had a thought about ur thoughts?

Have you ever thought you might be lost?

Have you ever thought what it would be like without you?

Have you ever thought no one would ever miss you?

Have you ever thought about what your purpose is?

Have you ever thought about how many people you influence?

Have you ever thought no one really cares?

Have you ever thought who will wipe your tears?

Have you ever thought who knows your fears?

Have you ever thought you thought but thought wrong?

Have you ever thought like i do?

-Cause these thoughts are hard and some thoughts are true-

Have you ever felt like crying but couldn't?

Have you ever felt you were right?

Have you ever felt the truth?

Have you ever felt Love?

Have you ever felt like i feel?

-if you feel like i do then you feel deep and true-

now tell me have you?

My Love... the Conscious of a broke heart

As the love spills from my heart

the water that once filled my eyes slowly moves apart

down my cheeks and graciously past my lips

the conscious flashing broken clips

No ideal he would miss her this much

the tenderness of her touch

the love in her eyes and such...

sweetness in her moan

how when he kissed her she was immediately turned on

on and on like Erka badu maybe next lifetime

maybe this just wasn't our time

maybe this is all a dream for him to share with you

shew!!!

from a bad ass dream to a bad ass day

how would you feel diagnosed ill today
in the middle of time he's facing the ground

pressure push positive to the back of spine

his conscious outlined in nonsense

life has no rewind

nonsense

he's pass the hate and all the greed
facing the man mirror look at me

hold ya head still

look at he reborn

life is real

barely willed to keep it real

bad ass dream

yup for real

As the world turns

As the day moves into night and i begin to wind down from a long days work i drift into contemplation. Where do i go from here? What is the matter of my force? How do i continue? As i stare out the window watching the wind blow the trees. i realize time is flying by, i am far beyond the age i chose my destiny to meet me. (But is it really my choice?) i thought we had an agreement. Guess not. As my mind continues to drift further into dreamland the weather starts to change the once clear night clouds blow away and the heavy burdened clouds appear. A thunderous noise makes my heart skip a beat but i never lose sight of my favorite star. The polaris also known as the north star or north polar star for centuries sailors used this star as a guilding light today i use this star as motivation to reach for the moon. Even with the rain pouring down on my window i know that this star remains bright. The rain gets heavier at times and makes me want to move away from the window but i can't, im just so attracted to the stories of journey that have reached that star.