Do I know you?

​Crossing paths with a guy like JaG is rare - and you'll never be able to forget him. He's the type of person who can face his problems alone but will do anything to make sure his loved ones don't have to do the same. He doesn't sugarcoat or beat around the bush because he'd rather be brutally honest than one of those fake nice people. You'll never find a bigger heart in the world. If you're loved by him you're lucky, but NEVER take advantage of his kindness. His anger is dangerous once his trust is broken.

Just Win Baby

​You need 3 daily wins:

- A physical win.

Walking, running, lifting, swimming...

- A mental win.

Reading, writing, creating, learning...

- A spiritual win.

Praying, meditating, studying, growing...

Be a complete winner!

As a Ball Coach

​As a football coach I relish the moment when a player who hasn't fully reached their potential has that moment... That one moment where the light clicks on and they throw all caution out the window it's the moment when dedication smacks skill in the face and skill joins hard work and punches the heart making a mess of all inhibitions... It's the moment they get an emotional rush from a play that sends them from player to playmaker... If it was real they never look back and walk into greatness.

Quiet storm

 

Chapter I: The quiet storm

 

The eve before the black out, I sat out in the all black 1968 Lincoln continental waiting for her ass to give me the signal. ?Had the job been done?? I thought to myself.  The night?s atmosphere was loud and busy lots of small things going on dogs barking sirens everywhere. As I rolled my blunt with the best purple haze my heart fell cold I immediately knew the job was done. The light from my lighter lit the whole car in the darkness. I took one long pull and felt my conscience disappear the dark smoke cloud began to seep out the crack in the window of the car. I look down at the time on my old army watch 0500 it stood still. She slowly paced he long slender legs back to my car.

Its done daddy she said with a confidence that couldn?t be replaced. ?Good? I replied as I reached in the glove box and got the brown paper-bag out. ?Here for being a good girl?, ?thank you daddy,? she replied. As her tall fine ass walked away I watched her ass bounce a little with every step. As she faded into the darkness I got out of the car of course I had to make sure the job was done I don?t trust no one I learned that from my five years in federal. As I walked up the shit whole of a living arrangement I realized my heart normally full of revenge is empty. The sense of clarity was there. The raggedy door nearly fell of the hinges as I pulled it. The stench of piss and old garbage blew passed my face as I walked through the hallway. The number on the door 603 had a rust shadow behind them. The door was slightly opened so no forced entry or key was needed as I pushed the door closed I realized that the outside of the complex says nothing to how the residents are living with in the confines of their homes. The hardwood floors made my walk sort of loud considering I did have on a new freshly shined pair of dull tipped Stacey Adam boots. My surgical gloves fit perfectly no rubber residue, no fingerprints.

Memoir

 

​As the bell rings and I say my final goodbyes I feel sort of out of gas. All my dreams have sort of come crashing down on my shoulders at this moment. The failure of not gaining a D-1 college football scholarship has been the heaviest weight on my shoulders but it's not over, being an active young man has paid off.  I did earn a full academic scholarship through the Black Achievers Program. It allows me to stay in my home town and attend college, it also allows me the opportunity to walk-on to a struggling D-1 football team and hopefully make an immediate difference. At this crossroad in my life, I must reflect on the things that made me who I am today. 

​  

​As a high school freshman unsure if I would play football, the freshman coach called the house one day to presuade my mom to allow me to play. This taught me somethings are just meant to be if it is Gods will. As a sophomore I caught the chicken pox and missed a week of school this taught me looks aren't everything it broke my shallow ways. As a junior I began to understand no matter how well I do, the team is what matters in the big picture and I helped lead my team to its first regional championship birth. My senior year was sort of a disappointment we were forced into school uniforms, in football losing in the first round of the playoffs plus no scholarships but it helped me realize football isn't everything even though I broke some personal records and focused on passing my entrance tests for college.  

​ 

​In my reflection I haven't noticed that I'm roaming the halls of my highly underrated high school. I make my way through the front hallway and it seems as if no one else is in the school, all the plaques, hung jerseys, and names still speak to me as they did when I first walked the three flights of stairs and entered those doors. I complete my victory lap and head out the door, I reach down to push the door open and turn to say goodbye to four years of blood sweat and tears. I push on the silver cross bar of the burgundy door and the sun is blinding, everything seems to be in slow motion, I take about five steps and stand at the top of the stairs like Rocky and I smile. I pull my Jansport backpack off and take a seat on the top step as I wait for the compound bus to arrive. For all of you who don't know what a compound bus is let me explain, its a bus that picks you up from your school then drops you off at a bus compound where you transfer to another bus with students from other schools and this bus will take you the rest of the way home. You see I live on the opposite side of town, nowhere close to my school, and humbling enough I am one of the few graduating seniors without a car.   

​ 

​After a few moments of sitting on the steps I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn to the side of the tap and no one is there I immediately I snap my head around to the other shoulder and see Shakim Ray. Shakim is the young lady I sit with every day on the bus she lives in my neighborhood and we've ridden the same bus together since middle school. I never realized how much I like her until our sophomore year she missed the bus one morning and I worried about her that whole day.  I can't lie she's beautiful, about 5'6, carmel brown skin, brown eyes, little button nose, nice body, very smart and always able to whole an intriguing conversation. 

​ 

​"I cant believe i still get you with that JaG" 

​"Un-huh" I reply dryly. I guess she could see the disappointment on my face immediately she says.    

​"What's wrong with you;  you seem a little down." 

Immediately I begin to explain, I've never had a problem talking to her because I knew she was genuine in her quest for my feelings.

​ "Well, Actually I am kinda, you see I had these dreams of how i would leave this school."  

​"You do know you have a bright future ahead of you…right JaG, she asked inquisitively." 

​"Yeah, I guess I just feel like I should've…  

​"It doesn't matter right now," she says cutting me off mid sentence.   

​"We are graduating next week JaG you should be happy not all gloomy." 

​"I know, and you're right I just feel like my sunny days just turned into a rainy and cloudy storm."  

Not even a minute after I said that a loud strike of thunder shatters across the sky making Shakim and I flinch. Ironically, the gigantic raindrops began to pour down.

 

​"Oh my hair," Shakim yells before she jumps up from her seat next to me and runs back into the school.   

​ 

​On the other hand, I didn't have a strand of hair that would have been bothered by a few raindrops so I just sat there. With the rain falling on my head I sit there basking in my sorrows and return to my reflective state of mind.  I look down at my hands place my head in them and begin to pray a simple little prayer my nanny taught me as a kid: 

Lord,

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

courage to change the things I can,

and wisdom to know the difference

Amen.  

​I rise to my feet partially soaked tears in my eyes, smile, grab my backpack, and turn to walk towards the doors of the school. As soon as I reach for the door Shakim comes walking out of the door.  

​ 

​“Come on JaG, here comes the bus” Shakim says. 

 

​As she walks by she grabs my wrist and spins me in the direction of the stairs. Basically, being drug down three flights of stair by a girl is not quite the way I want to be seen. So, I instinctively grab her hand and with a slight tug slow the pace of our walk. As we land on the middle platform she turns towards me, looks down at our interlocked hands, looks up at me, and with a slight smirk continues down the last flight of stairs.  

 

​“I think she likes you.” 

 

​My conscious somehow emerges on the scene like a caped crusader. Before I go any further let me tell you a little bit about my conscious. He is the most persuasive sounding guy I know. His voice is sort of like James Earl Jones or Mufasa for all you Lion King fans. He’s a loud, abrupt, and intrusive character in my head.  He has gotten me into a lot of trouble thus far. Now that you have a brief understand of him you will now understand some of my actions.   

​   

​I shake my head in disbelief and continue down the stairs. When we hit the sidewalk I glance back one last time at the school and take a deep breath. I turn to take my first step on the bus, unbeknownst to me Shakim had stopped at the top of the bus stairs, which causes me to bump nose first into the small of her back. I slide down her back side attempting not to grope her as I regain my balance and move goofily up the stairs. The bus is empty as it is the last day of school most students caught rides with their friends or left school early as if it was a forbidden act to stay at school on the last day. Shakim and I have a 32 seat choice. Initially I glance at my normal seat. The 4th  seat on the driver side of the bus.  

 

​“You won’t be sitting there this time” yells my conscious.   

​ 

​I stare at the emergency door at the back of the bus and feel an obligation to sit in the last seat, just to people watch. I also weirdly get a kick out of the road moving swiftly below me. We begin to pull away from the building and I drift off.  

 

“Wake up JaG!” “Look at her.”,“She allowed you to hold her hand.”,“She wanted to smile at you when she saw you where holding her hand.”,“She knows you like her.”,“Why don’t you just tell her?”,“Why won’t you express your feelings to her today right now?”,“No one else is on the bus.”,“It’s the last day of school.” “You two are sitting in the back of the bus.” “You have nothing to lose.” “You might as well.”  

​“Shesh!”  

​“Who are you shesh-ing JaG?” Shakim asked. 

​“Umm, no one” I replied nervously   

​“Then why on earth did you say shesh?”  

​“ I was going to say Shakim but I stopped” I replied. 

“Nice save Einstein now she’s gonna ask what you were thinking about,” my conscious show his head again.  

​ 

​“Oh so what where you thinking about to want to say my name?” She ask with a cute little smile on her face.  

​ 

​“Well, was I wondering what you would say If I said I have a crush on you and have had one since Sophomore year.”  Her face seemed to light up and those pretty brown eyes smiled along with her lips.  

​ 

​“What are you smiling about Shakim this is a serious question,” I said with a straight face. 

​ 

​“ I’m smiling because you have liked me for that long and you wait until the last day of school our senior year to tell me,” she replied with a hint of sarcasm.  

​ 

​“Yeah I know, its stupid but I didn’t feel like you would look at me the same if I told you back then.”  

 

​“JaG you will always be cool to me no matter what you think,”she said with sincerity in her eyes.   

​ 

​I could feel the smile on my face  

Things change

Hey people it's me... Yeah, I know I've left you guys several times for long periods of time but I some how some way end up coming back for more. Maybe, it's the way no one really responds to me or  it's the fact that I can peacefully release the thoughts that are trapped without defending them or offending anyone and causing a ruckus. Well, whatever it is I am in need of this creative therapy right now... 

I tend to start a journey with a goal in sight 

I offend know exactly what to do but still I don't get it right 

It never ceases to amaze me... 

I tend to start things but also never finish 

I long for a partner to help me with this vice of mine 

Because I am a great starter but finishing I'm not too Divine 

This is my story this is my song 

I jump out in front but at the wire I just fail to hold on...

See I have a strong competitive nature so a daily challenge is what I need coupled with a few motivational words to keep me inspired is that to much to ask for?  Am I being unreasonable to ask for active motivation (meaning action along with words) from a significant other? Am I wrong for leaving if that request isn't met in a reasonable time frame? 

Love with one

Friends, Roman, country men, lend me your eardrum its another beautiful day in the neighborhood... Not really it's raining today the 28th day of April. Well its been a long time since I posted anything so I consciously decided to write and pray that you read. So the thoughts and feelings of the day are all about love. Ill jump right in... I could be wrong but I think it is possible to love and I do mean deeply love more than one. You see I believe God fills our cup with the protein we need... But our human counterparts whether it be male or female (no judgement from me to each is own) provide a different fulfillment again maybe I'm wrong I'll have to read my word to verify. There was a quote I read awhile back...like 15 years ago that went something like "All women have three men the one she loves, the one that loves her, and the one that takes care of her." I seem to believe there is some truth to that statement but what about men... Is it the same? I think not...See my theory is (we) men are greedy... And clearly aren't able to handle that much they buckle and lose all three due to their greedy, selfish behavior what do you think can YOU love more than one? Im only asking because I love you. 

Reunited

It's been a while but I'm back like reverse!! I am call all my former followers back I need your input on a topic. 

Love lost and found

<p>Not to long ago I had a long conversation with one of my homeboys... The Fellas know (but for the ladies) when guys get together drink and watch football, poker night, etc the only thing left to talk about after the game is over... Women and some how the question comes up... which one of your exs do you feel is the one you let get away? And unlike most guys I can remember everything about everyone of my exs even the short-termers,so I begin sputtering off these extravagant stories and of course my first epic failure was my college sweetheart she had more drive than tiger woods before the scandal and accomplished everything she set out to do... I saw it but was selfish...(long story short)  so I didn't give her enough attention she cheated ,I couldn't forgive, we broke up. Then there's "the squirter"she was cool but was a know-it-all no compromise = no team so we couldn't date...but I could have sucked it up. And lastly there was "ready-made" she had an already made family for me to walk into but for some reason my insecurity arose one stormy night and overbaked that cake. Have you ever lost love and actually got it back?

Whatchu think?

So, pop culture is taking over the blog scene. I totally understand why but I prefer to follow someone who talks about real life experiences. I feel like I can get all the entertainment news from all the other websites don't flood the blogs with this nonsence. I don't know maybe I just don't care that rihanna is back with her ex cause I don't know why they broke up or how she struggled with getting back with him cause she was still having sex with CB. Now on the other hand  if I knew that stuff I might be remotely interested. What about you? What do you think?

watch the throne no limits

It's time to change:
I am now waiting for all my followers to ask me a question? The truth shall set you free is now the theme ask anything any I will promise to answer no question is off limits.

Man-cation...

Black Bike Weekend...

"Yo Ray wait up man, make sure we have everything," Victor said as he trotted out of the hotel room. "I'm sure we have everything, plus if we don't get to the club soon they might not let us in for free." "Man you know we were the life of the party last night, that's why we get in free tonight!" Victor responded. "Oh, yeah man and good job hooking up with the club owner Tracey, she is fine as hell."  "Yeah, you right she is fine as hell and who would have thought the owner of the club would be in the middle of the dance floor, cutting up dropping it like its hot, doing the splits...What was that one move she did? I think she called it the fresh leg. ha ha ha she reinvented the stanky leg." "Ay don't trip cause Ms. Dirty ain't no joke either." Raymond said. "Man, put your helmet on and lets get over to the club."

As they zoom through the city the lights on the Ferris wheel at the pavilion were the only things to light up the sky, the moon was cut into thirds by thin foggy clouds and the stars playing hide and seek. Raymond and Victor have been friends for more than ten years and have been riding their bikes together every year since they could ride, but this was their first year at black bike weekend, mainly because Victor was married and his wife was crazy, at least that's what Ray always said.

As they pulled up to the club Ray revved up the engine on his Hayabusa just to alert all the bystanders that the party had arrived to the club. Both of the lines to get into the club were stretched around each side the the building. It looked like black friday at Walmart. It really didn't matter to Vic and Ray, they never stood in line no matter what city, state, or country they were in, some how one of them knew a bouncer, DJ, or Owner.  As the Dynamic Duo strutted past the crowd, the whispers started. "Who the hell they think they are?  I've been standing in line for an hour and my feet hurt," one young woman exclaimed. Upon reaching the middle door the looks of disgust got worst. The crowd got more and more rowdy the longer Ray and Vic waited for the mirrored tinted doors to open. "Ay, Shawty those doors don't open, get ya asses to the back of the line," some guy yelled from the middle of the crowd. Not too long after that, all 7 foot 2 inches 390 pounds of Big J comes to the door and says "Tracey and Ms Dirty have been waiting on you two." The hallway that Big J led them down seemed to be mirrored on the outside because they noticed everyone primping themselves in it. "Ay! Yo Big J! Where the hell you taking us man?" Victor asked nervously. "Vic chill out Bruh, you company of Tracey, ya'll get the royal treatment."  "Oh ok but last night we were in the club, tonight did we even enter the club?"  "Ha ha ha," Big J laughed with a sinister tone. After like two lefts and three rights and a short elevator ride, the platinum elevator doors opened and there they sat, in the middle of a glass dance floor at a table that over looked all 5000 square feet of the club.  "Yo Ray, did you see those whips and shit on the walls on the way up here?" Victor whispered in Ray's ear as they approached the table.... 

Secrets

90.0 % of people have secrets and thats being generous its more like 99.9%. I was watching private practice and one of the doctors got raped and wont tell anybody around her whats going on and she's actually being a real asswhole towards everyone thats tried to reach out to her... i often wonder how people who keep secrets are so defensive?... and if its really the secret that makes them defensive or is it their conscious eating at them wanting them to release the pressure of their secret?  I say its not ok to keep secrets but i also keep a lot of secrets because im a good friend who just listens i rarely give advice unless asked and thats the main reason i feel better releases secrets here...to... yall because i only have two followers on here who really know me.... i said all that to say this..

Have you kept a secret or are you keeping a secret?

Do you have a private practice?

Yada Yada Ya

I feel like nobody ever listens
until my gloating starts to glisten....
thats after I say I told you so...
so maybe if i talk less you'll listen more
or maybe the more i talk the more i bore
you have to understand
maybe you dont and maybe you wont
i think you should
cause...then...
at that point...
 i would know you understood.

shhhhhh!!!

Shhhh lay back relax

she leaned back on the bed

i hover over her body and kiss her forehead

then the bridge of her nose

as soon as she cracked a smile i kissed her cheeks

then her chin and then... and then... her lips

get a grip.... TO BE CONTINUED

Welcome back

I haven't blogged since the music video... but thats only because i felt like i lost my supporters i need to know that people still read and your not the fast and furious like the rest of the world... tweet this...I love my followers and IM BACK SO LOOK for more post to come along with vlogs on my youtube. Update that... i still have substance.

Shades Down Low Music Video.mov

The video is done check us out.. let me know what you think.

Yea Well whatever!!! (encounters Interlude)

Yea, Well....Whatever

 Do what you do but watch my shoes...

ha ha...

there's so... so much i wanna say to you but you wouldn't understand even if you stood under it...

 it seems to you like I'm on some other shit but the truth of the matter I am on some other shit..

I'm NOT ABOUT TO FAKE AND FRONT LIKE YOU THE SHIT when yous just another bitch...

Hell...

what do i look like stalking you and not going to the lake and fish...

 Yea yea yea...

i know you love attention you can't get enough of it...

 you're shallow and the only thing we have is a sexual connection...

You talk to much...

I talk to little...

 you get on my nerves...

i get on yours...

You think I'm cold and heartless...

You are cold and heartless...

but on the other hand...

man this is bullshit...

i love the way you switch...

You can't leave me now not in the middle of this...

the source of my weakness is in Ur kiss...

 addicted to your ways of mischief and wits...

You got me hooked now the fall is getting longer...

my attraction is steady getting stronger...

high is getting weaker...

you got me acting like a geek er...

 smelling like a ten year old pair of ball sneaker...

dazed and confused lost in the struggle...

 trying to hustle and bustle...

i doubt you feel the same way about you ...

cause you don't know...

 what you do...

 it's second nature to you...

you do it easily...

but you know what...

 fuck that...

 Your not loving me the way i want you to...

 so i had to run from you...

you hit me with the 808 and i'll save the heartbreak...

Rain drops.pt2 of Encounters of the sexy kind

...After the long pause she spoke.... yeah i guess we can get dinner since i did rear end your Jag and i asked you not to call the police...(yes, this must be my lucky day maybe i should play the numbers) OK! well where do you wanna meet i asked real smooth like. Lets just meet back here tonight at 8. Cool sounds good to me. OK it's a date she said. As she stepped up on the running board of her Range Rover her Lil Ralph Lauren skirt caught some wind and i got a glimpse of a cheek (O wow what a wonderful day... hold on... I'm missing something distractions made me forget to get her number and name)  O hey beautiful, can i get your name and number? I'm Kym and my number is 213******* Cool I'll call you later. OK i"ll be waiting on that call..um mm what was your name? I'm Jai (pronounced Jay). As she drove off i began to wonder would she show or would she stand me up? Either way she was fine as hell. On my drive home my thought process went as follows: What To Wear ( Polo and jeans... nope, button down and slacks... nope, graphic tee and jeans...nope, night life white linen suit, check... o... shit it ain't pressed... um OK gotta go get the suit, drop it off at the hour cleaners and pick it up by 545 damn it!!!) At this time its 4:30  I'm 15 minutes from my house and still need to shit, shower, and shave(the three S's)... 30 minutes later i got the suit I'm walking into the cleaner.  Welcome to hour(our or hour you choose) cleaning jurvice (service) the Asian lady behind the counter says. Can i get this cleaned and pressed in an hour? She put her finger up as to shh me turns and starts yelling something that sounded to me like( bong Yong tie lie link) then a mans voice came from the back ( chin ) then she turns back around and says yes we clean suit my Priend (friend) Good thanks I'll be back in an hour. I run home do my three S's and make it back to the cleaners as my suit hits the finished rack great timing... i pay the lady and rush home with enough time to DVR Hard times of R.J. Berger. After about 45 minutes of chill axing i get dress spray on the Aqua Di Gio and i head to the Shell station where I'm met Kym i reach the meeting spot about 7:45... she pulls up approximately 10 minutes later (wow no phone call needed she must think I'm sexy)... let's see... So she gets out of her truck in this white form fitting skirt that hugged her lines like an S in first grade and her big black truck in the back drop of all of this all i could think was (Damn!!! Don't stutter... don't stutter) ..um uh..um... uh... you... uh... look... uh.. amazing...(Shit) thanks so do u she responded swiftly. As she walks in front of my car my minds starts to wonder (Do you think her ass is real or are those inplants ...Click... click what's that noise) thought interrupted by her pulling on my door knob. As she gets in the car she pulls on her skirt to get a little more leg lift and thats when i got a glimpse of NO PANTIES pretty "P" ( Commando is always a plus) TO BE CONTINUED.

Rain drops.pt1 of Encounters of the sexy kind

As I stand in the window watching the rain drops beat against the seal, i begin to focus on one certain drop it's path started at the top of the window. The lower this sky tear got the less paths it followed. The moment I had was interrupted by her hands sensually reaching around body to grasping my shoulders. With her head placed in the middle of my back she sighed and said "I love the way you touch me." See we just had amazing mind blowing sex but she is not my wife, my girlfriend or even friend. I know what your thinking (don't judge me just yet). Listen, I'm standing in the line at Shell gas station and she walks in of course i look cause from a distance she looked familiar but when she came in the door i was like O my GOD that's not who i thought it was. She looked like Nicole Scherzinger from the pussy cat dolls with blue eyes... and she's coming this way... o shit... Hey, is that your Jag out there at pump 4? Yea, i replied well.  I just kinda gave it a love tap i didn't notice it sitting at the gas pump. HUH!!!? How you not notice a car sitting at the pump already? Well what had happen was i was on the phone and my good friend... Oh never mind the long story  i said as i cut her apparent lie off.  So did you dent my car or something? Um, you might wanna come check it out she replied. OK, I gotta pay for my gas and my vitamin water but I'll be right out. As i make my way out to the pump i notice an all Black 2010 Range Rover with 24 inch blackout rims parked behind my car. Hey she says as she sees me walking out to my car. It's really not that bad i just didn't want to drive off and you see the scratch on your car and be pissed one day. As i gaze into her pretty blue eyes this song begins to play in my head Melanie Fiona's-"Give it to me right"... I can explain she says as she steps in front of me before i could get a good view of my car. It's okay i say as i attempt to go around her but she grabs me and starts to kiss me. ( Now that's how you get my attention but i gotta play it cool...be cool...act suprised) "What the hell was that? Oh nothing... she responded. Are you crazy? No. OK well let me see my car. Um... okay but promise you wont be mad. OK i promise. (lying) I finally make it to my car look down and notice a big ass dent in my rear bumper.(act mad) what did you do try to run through my car?(wait for the apology) Um I'm sorry. Yeah i bet you are! I'm calling my lawyer! NO don't do that I will do anything. (Yes, perfect now it's my time to attack) So how about dinner? (long pauses aren't good)... to be continued