As the bell rings and I say my final goodbyes I feel sort of out of gas. All my dreams have sort of come crashing down on my shoulders at this moment. The failure of not gaining a D-1 college football scholarship has been the heaviest weight on my shoulders but it's not over, being an active young man has paid off. I did earn a full academic scholarship through the Black Achievers Program. It allows me to stay in my home town and attend college, it also allows me the opportunity to walk-on to a struggling D-1 football team and hopefully make an immediate difference. At this crossroad in my life, I must reflect on the things that made me who I am today.
As a high school freshman unsure if I would play football, the freshman coach called the house one day to presuade my mom to allow me to play. This taught me somethings are just meant to be if it is Gods will. As a sophomore I caught the chicken pox and missed a week of school this taught me looks aren't everything it broke my shallow ways. As a junior I began to understand no matter how well I do, the team is what matters in the big picture and I helped lead my team to its first regional championship birth. My senior year was sort of a disappointment we were forced into school uniforms, in football losing in the first round of the playoffs plus no scholarships but it helped me realize football isn't everything even though I broke some personal records and focused on passing my entrance tests for college.
In my reflection I haven't noticed that I'm roaming the halls of my highly underrated high school. I make my way through the front hallway and it seems as if no one else is in the school, all the plaques, hung jerseys, and names still speak to me as they did when I first walked the three flights of stairs and entered those doors. I complete my victory lap and head out the door, I reach down to push the door open and turn to say goodbye to four years of blood sweat and tears. I push on the silver cross bar of the burgundy door and the sun is blinding, everything seems to be in slow motion, I take about five steps and stand at the top of the stairs like Rocky and I smile. I pull my Jansport backpack off and take a seat on the top step as I wait for the compound bus to arrive. For all of you who don't know what a compound bus is let me explain, its a bus that picks you up from your school then drops you off at a bus compound where you transfer to another bus with students from other schools and this bus will take you the rest of the way home. You see I live on the opposite side of town, nowhere close to my school, and humbling enough I am one of the few graduating seniors without a car.
After a few moments of sitting on the steps I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn to the side of the tap and no one is there I immediately I snap my head around to the other shoulder and see Shakim Ray. Shakim is the young lady I sit with every day on the bus she lives in my neighborhood and we've ridden the same bus together since middle school. I never realized how much I like her until our sophomore year she missed the bus one morning and I worried about her that whole day. I can't lie she's beautiful, about 5'6, carmel brown skin, brown eyes, little button nose, nice body, very smart and always able to whole an intriguing conversation.
"I cant believe i still get you with that JaG"
"Un-huh" I reply dryly. I guess she could see the disappointment on my face immediately she says.
"What's wrong with you; you seem a little down."
Immediately I begin to explain, I've never had a problem talking to her because I knew she was genuine in her quest for my feelings.
"Well, Actually I am kinda, you see I had these dreams of how i would leave this school."
"You do know you have a bright future ahead of you…right JaG, she asked inquisitively."
"Yeah, I guess I just feel like I should've…
"It doesn't matter right now," she says cutting me off mid sentence.
"We are graduating next week JaG you should be happy not all gloomy."
"I know, and you're right I just feel like my sunny days just turned into a rainy and cloudy storm."
Not even a minute after I said that a loud strike of thunder shatters across the sky making Shakim and I flinch. Ironically, the gigantic raindrops began to pour down.
"Oh my hair," Shakim yells before she jumps up from her seat next to me and runs back into the school.
On the other hand, I didn't have a strand of hair that would have been bothered by a few raindrops so I just sat there. With the rain falling on my head I sit there basking in my sorrows and return to my reflective state of mind. I look down at my hands place my head in them and begin to pray a simple little prayer my nanny taught me as a kid:
Lord,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference
Amen.
I rise to my feet partially soaked tears in my eyes, smile, grab my backpack, and turn to walk towards the doors of the school. As soon as I reach for the door Shakim comes walking out of the door.
“Come on JaG, here comes the bus” Shakim says.
As she walks by she grabs my wrist and spins me in the direction of the stairs. Basically, being drug down three flights of stair by a girl is not quite the way I want to be seen. So, I instinctively grab her hand and with a slight tug slow the pace of our walk. As we land on the middle platform she turns towards me, looks down at our interlocked hands, looks up at me, and with a slight smirk continues down the last flight of stairs.
“I think she likes you.”
My conscious somehow emerges on the scene like a caped crusader. Before I go any further let me tell you a little bit about my conscious. He is the most persuasive sounding guy I know. His voice is sort of like James Earl Jones or Mufasa for all you Lion King fans. He’s a loud, abrupt, and intrusive character in my head. He has gotten me into a lot of trouble thus far. Now that you have a brief understand of him you will now understand some of my actions.
I shake my head in disbelief and continue down the stairs. When we hit the sidewalk I glance back one last time at the school and take a deep breath. I turn to take my first step on the bus, unbeknownst to me Shakim had stopped at the top of the bus stairs, which causes me to bump nose first into the small of her back. I slide down her back side attempting not to grope her as I regain my balance and move goofily up the stairs. The bus is empty as it is the last day of school most students caught rides with their friends or left school early as if it was a forbidden act to stay at school on the last day. Shakim and I have a 32 seat choice. Initially I glance at my normal seat. The 4th seat on the driver side of the bus.
“You won’t be sitting there this time” yells my conscious.
I stare at the emergency door at the back of the bus and feel an obligation to sit in the last seat, just to people watch. I also weirdly get a kick out of the road moving swiftly below me. We begin to pull away from the building and I drift off.
“Wake up JaG!” “Look at her.”,“She allowed you to hold her hand.”,“She wanted to smile at you when she saw you where holding her hand.”,“She knows you like her.”,“Why don’t you just tell her?”,“Why won’t you express your feelings to her today right now?”,“No one else is on the bus.”,“It’s the last day of school.” “You two are sitting in the back of the bus.” “You have nothing to lose.” “You might as well.”
“Shesh!”
“Who are you shesh-ing JaG?” Shakim asked.
“Umm, no one” I replied nervously
“Then why on earth did you say shesh?”
“ I was going to say Shakim but I stopped” I replied.
“Nice save Einstein now she’s gonna ask what you were thinking about,” my conscious show his head again.
“Oh so what where you thinking about to want to say my name?” She ask with a cute little smile on her face.
“Well, was I wondering what you would say If I said I have a crush on you and have had one since Sophomore year.” Her face seemed to light up and those pretty brown eyes smiled along with her lips.
“What are you smiling about Shakim this is a serious question,” I said with a straight face.
“ I’m smiling because you have liked me for that long and you wait until the last day of school our senior year to tell me,” she replied with a hint of sarcasm.
“Yeah I know, its stupid but I didn’t feel like you would look at me the same if I told you back then.”
“JaG you will always be cool to me no matter what you think,”she said with sincerity in her eyes.
I could feel the smile on my face
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