Penis Monologues "I get angry too"

My penis is mad

Na Na my penis is angry

Shit my penis is both
My penis is ma-ngry

You wanna know why

At birth the doctor cut skin off his neck

which makes his head sensitive as heck 

At twelve he wakes up drowning in a puddle of semen

At thirteen he has this weird bush growing at the base of his knees man! 

they call it puberity

At sixteen he meets vagina

and he lost his virginity

At eighteen he's addicted to vagina

and needs serenity 

At twenty he bought this jacket named trojan

he hated wearing it because it choked him

At twenty-one he was at the top of his game

he and his jacket made him a household name 

At twenty-five his twin neighbors turn blue

cause vagina was teasing him and wouldn't let him cum through

At thirty he get's anemia and loses his strength

and everybody blames him for what his body thinks

At forty he goes over the hill 

cause he's made a legacy and will soon need a pill 

then he gets sick and quickly falls like niagra

At fifty he gets the pill and it's called viagra

It's not fun at all being played with and jacked

but he says he "guess its better than getting hacked or catching the flu"

but dont get it twisted cause

"I get angry too"

The Penis Monologues- "The Christening"

The phone rang three times 

that's my line

"Hello"

"Hey"

"Its about time"

"Yeah you must have been waiting on my call"

"Sure was but that's not all "

"Oh i know that's the reason for my call

my mom just left and went to the mall

She said she'd be gone for a long time

So why dont you come over and see my..."

"Well i'll tell you that later

just make your way herre"

WOW!!

Ten minutes later i was walking in the door

she took her jeans off and threw them in the floor

she unzipped my pants real aggressive like

It was fitting for her cause most people thought she was a dike

But she wasn't and i was glad

'Cause this next moment i had

She leaned back

Soaking wet

i entered with caution but i held no slack

She moaned kind of loud

 that was that

Splat!

Say hello!

For all intensive purposes shit say hello... dont just stop and stare!

Positivity...hmmmm

Sometimes its so hard to have a positive attitude. If you've been where i am you understand how hard it is... My mind status says "It's taking more to smile than to frown" i feel like i might need botox by the end of this week.
I somehow have create this thing in my subconscious...
its kind of like I predict whats going to happen and 85% of the time I'm right and when I say I'm right I mean I'm "right on" like dolomite in the 70's.
Now I'm not saying I'm a psychic but shoot I'm must be channeling some kind of energy that makes everything just go just like I think it.
I know you asking what does this have to do with being positive?
Well I somehow know a lot of liars well maybe not liars just people who have a problem keeping it real and i can't deal with that. It's weird....
matter of fact let me just give you an example...
lets say you and i were more than just blog friends and i ask you what you did today...
and you tell me nothing but work...
my first thought is
(ok i know you worked but what did you do)
my second thought is
(thats not all you did so what did you do)
my third immediate thought is
(you probably talked to so and so and such and such about this and that)
so my next question to you is so ummm what happened today...
 now at this moment my attitude has sort of changed because you've already given me the run around about what you did today...
am i wrong for wanting a full conversation rather than vague circular semi sentence?
I like depth maybe that's my problem, maybe me wanting to know is the reason i get negative feelings when i dont know.
So at this point after i ask a third time or even a fourth time with more specific details each time.... i ask like...
So did you talk to so and so? Or what did you eat for lunch or maybe even did you think about me today?
Then my thought is
(i dont even want to know now cause when i asked the first time you said nothing)
but now its this big long story about how you and so and so talked...
and ya'll planning a party and im not invited
WELL HELL
thats obvious...
Wooosssssaaaa
stay positive...   Feel me?