Penis Monologues "I get angry too"

My penis is mad

Na Na my penis is angry

Shit my penis is both
My penis is ma-ngry

You wanna know why

At birth the doctor cut skin off his neck

which makes his head sensitive as heck 

At twelve he wakes up drowning in a puddle of semen

At thirteen he has this weird bush growing at the base of his knees man! 

they call it puberity

At sixteen he meets vagina

and he lost his virginity

At eighteen he's addicted to vagina

and needs serenity 

At twenty he bought this jacket named trojan

he hated wearing it because it choked him

At twenty-one he was at the top of his game

he and his jacket made him a household name 

At twenty-five his twin neighbors turn blue

cause vagina was teasing him and wouldn't let him cum through

At thirty he get's anemia and loses his strength

and everybody blames him for what his body thinks

At forty he goes over the hill 

cause he's made a legacy and will soon need a pill 

then he gets sick and quickly falls like niagra

At fifty he gets the pill and it's called viagra

It's not fun at all being played with and jacked

but he says he "guess its better than getting hacked or catching the flu"

but dont get it twisted cause

"I get angry too"

The Penis Monologues- "The Christening"

The phone rang three times 

that's my line

"Hello"

"Hey"

"Its about time"

"Yeah you must have been waiting on my call"

"Sure was but that's not all "

"Oh i know that's the reason for my call

my mom just left and went to the mall

She said she'd be gone for a long time

So why dont you come over and see my..."

"Well i'll tell you that later

just make your way herre"

WOW!!

Ten minutes later i was walking in the door

she took her jeans off and threw them in the floor

she unzipped my pants real aggressive like

It was fitting for her cause most people thought she was a dike

But she wasn't and i was glad

'Cause this next moment i had

She leaned back

Soaking wet

i entered with caution but i held no slack

She moaned kind of loud

 that was that

Splat!